Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
