Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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