You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
