im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
