Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
