apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I met the friendliest cop last night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
