Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
