chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
