I wanna bring you to show and tell
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
