Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
