this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
