so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
