Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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