So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
