I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
