u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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