He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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