How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
