I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
