Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
