He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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