How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize