I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
