can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
