whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
