Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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