we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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