I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize