yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
