and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
