I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
