If that was your dad, he is hot
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
