Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
