Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
