I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
