Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
