She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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