we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
