I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
