i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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