This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
