Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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