don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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