i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
