I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
