i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
