My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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