She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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