i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
