I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
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