At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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