We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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