wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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