So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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