I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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