It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
