Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Randomize
