we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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