i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
