look no pants
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
