i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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