I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
