I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
