I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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