Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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