Jerry, you need to find god
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Houston, we have a squirter
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
