I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
