mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
