Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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