loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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